I had a very strange experience lately with a long time acquaintance of mine. We were never friends, but on occasion would play a game or talk when they reached out to me. This same acquaintance recently has blocked me from their entire life, cut me off completely. I would say they ghosted me, but I was able to squeeze out one last response out of them before the opportunity was missed completely.
Why?
Here is the final response I got:
Hey, there was no easy way to do it and I didn’t know how you’d react, and I’m sorry that it was so sudden. However I’d rather we go our separate ways. We’re just very different ppl and that wasn’t clear to me until we spoke on Discord. I’m sorry for the suddenness of it and I don’t mean anything negative at all, I wish you the best of luck with everything
Nameless Acquaintance
You would think for me to have been completely eliminated from someone’s life, I would have had to have done something really inexcusable. Did I insult this person? Did I steal from them or defraud them? Oh no… no no no – it’s far more pathetic than that.
What did you do to them?
I’m a real nasty brute you see, we had a difference of opinion on JavaScript and AWS. Clearly this is a reason to tell someone to get lost and shut them out of your life forever. Don’t worry, like I said we aren’t friends, never have been. This person has always had a childish attitude because anytime we had a difference of opinion on literally anything they would shut down. This is a sign of immaturity and unprofessionalism. You would think as the years went on and this person grew up they would learn that this is inappropriate behavior and that having a difference of opinion on something as inconsequential as a technology choice or opinions is not something to be upset about. If you want to get heated over a technology and just at the technology that’s fine – frankly I think it’s warranted because we as technologists are the ones who suffer for dumb decisions and poor implementations. Therefore, venting is part of the career and I think it’s fun some times. Now, if you are taking someone’s criticism of a technology personally, you have a problem.
Stop being a simp
Another term for simp is fan-boy or fan-girl in this context (not in the Twitch hot-tub streamer sense), but I genuinely like the term “simp” to describe people who defend something they don’t benefit directly from to a fault. Or worse, when they defend something that will not come back to defend them – I will expand on that later. This is nothing new, simps have existed forever. It’s okay to be a fan of something, but if you become a toxic fan of something then it’s just unhealthy, it really is that simple. Treating anything or anyone as infallible just makes you out to look inexperienced and juvenile.
I am not going to recreate my arguments here for why I was saying JavaScript is terrible (in my opinion as redundant as it is to say that) or why I don’t particularly like AWS, because that’s not the point of this entry. I am however going to dissect how incredibly stupid it is for anyone to get upset over not liking the same things or being completely in unison or lock step on opinions. Living in an echo chamber only benefits stake holders and investors. Using Tesla is a good example, I think Elon Musk has done a really good job at showing he is a pretty terrible person and he is single handedly destroying not one, but two companies simultaneously because he can’t keep his mouth shut long enough to perform damage control on things he said yesterday, let alone ten minutes ago. However, regardless of how obvious it is that he is making a complete and utter ass out of himself – he has fans. Those fans simp for him no matter what he does. That’s terrifying because what is obvious to some, is apparently incomprehensible to others and they become apologists for the poor performance of others. I think it is unhealthy to have a blind appreciation for anything, it means you are either incapable of forming critical thinking skills or you are using some extreme cognitive dissonance because you just really like something or someone.
Opposing opinions are important
Having a difference of opinion with people is important and you should not see it as a threat. To be clear, I am not saying to look at something as blatantly obvious as racism and say, “I should really give racism a fair shake.” No you shouldn’t, but you can try to really understand why someone is a racist and learn from it instead of being upset about it. That’s as far into politics as I am getting here because this blog is never going to be about politics, I just want to be clear about what I mean when I say having opposing opinions is important.
When people get red in the face when they hear opposing opinions I deduce the following from that:
- That person is immature.
- That person is unprofessional.
- I am not sure if I can trust this person.
- This person might try to hurt me physically or in other ways.
- This is not someone I want to work with or associate with.
Sadly, these people exist in the work force. I have worked with a number of them and when someone goes as far as to insult you when you have a difference of opinion with them, this is not only unproductive but it becomes a toxic work environment.
So my advice to those people is “Grow the fuck up”. Take your fingers out of your ears and learn to listen with your ears not your mouth. More often than not you could actually learn something, but if you are too busy talking over someone all of the time to assert dominance – you are an intolerable character and I for one do not want anything to do with you.
A little more about simps
You can hate on any technology or company you want. Just understand that if you do, some people will have their fragile egos bruised because for some reason they make a technology or a company their personality. I find this pathetic. Don’t be this type of flimsy person.
I do want to clarify, I think it’s important to try things before criticizing them. That being said, anything I usually criticize comes from a place of experience. You like what you like. Some of us have more experience than others, so if you voice a criticism it’s very possible that you can get constructive feed back. Hell, maybe you (or I) am doing something wrong and that’s why it doesn’t appeal to you (or me). I like having casual discussions about technology because I hope to learn something in the process, but if I am just talking to myself and everyone else thinks I am a jerk for having a difference of opinion, I’m not the one with a problem they are.
I have a very simple rule I like to live by, “Don’t be an asshole”. I don’t understand why this is so hard for some people, but it is and it shocks me to this day. Be polite, assume positive intent, listen – GROW UP.
Icon used for this post was sourced from here: Clash icons created by Smashicons – Flaticon